Optimism and Confidence
We all need to proactively develop an optimistic outlook in order to improve our confidence. It's not a natural state for most of us.
The human brain has what researchers call a "negativity bias." This means that our brains tend to focus on our misfortunes. Positive experiences aren't as salient to us as negative ones. We have to make positive experiences meaningful!
We can do this by building new neural networks. We can do cognitive workouts to build emotional and psychological fitness. One way to do this is by asking difficult but high-yield questions such as:
Often when something bad happens, the human mind focuses on injustice. However, feeling unfairly wronged generates more suffering. We may end up in a downward tailspin of despair, fear and isolation if we focus too long here.
Only by owning and accepting our circumstances, choices, behaviors, desires and agency can we overcome hardships and limitations in life. If we just continue to react to life in the same ways, we maintain the same neural networks that result in the same life experiences.
For example, if our habituated response to meeting new people is to feel distrust and skepticism, than we never make meaningful and enjoyable friendships. We don't have a neurological blueprint to let happy, good people befriend us. Instead, our brain makes sure to continue to find evidence of the well-worn mental framework "people can't be trusted." Your brain is smart. It always finds the evidence it's looking for.
It's important to know that every time you retell a story, you are strengthening those neural networks. Be careful with what you say. If you find yourself complaining, ask yourself, "Do I want more of this in my life?" In the book How to be an Adult, David Richo teaches us that those who complain don't want anything to change. They want to complain.
Exposure to and practice applying new concepts can help build pathways that yield new, more desired experiences in life.
The human brain has what researchers call a "negativity bias." This means that our brains tend to focus on our misfortunes. Positive experiences aren't as salient to us as negative ones. We have to make positive experiences meaningful!
We can do this by building new neural networks. We can do cognitive workouts to build emotional and psychological fitness. One way to do this is by asking difficult but high-yield questions such as:
- "Given this situation, how can I still succeed?" or
- "How is this hardship forcing me to better myself?" or
- "How might this problem actually be an opportunity for me?"
- "What if this experience is actually good for me?"
Often when something bad happens, the human mind focuses on injustice. However, feeling unfairly wronged generates more suffering. We may end up in a downward tailspin of despair, fear and isolation if we focus too long here.
Only by owning and accepting our circumstances, choices, behaviors, desires and agency can we overcome hardships and limitations in life. If we just continue to react to life in the same ways, we maintain the same neural networks that result in the same life experiences.
For example, if our habituated response to meeting new people is to feel distrust and skepticism, than we never make meaningful and enjoyable friendships. We don't have a neurological blueprint to let happy, good people befriend us. Instead, our brain makes sure to continue to find evidence of the well-worn mental framework "people can't be trusted." Your brain is smart. It always finds the evidence it's looking for.
It's important to know that every time you retell a story, you are strengthening those neural networks. Be careful with what you say. If you find yourself complaining, ask yourself, "Do I want more of this in my life?" In the book How to be an Adult, David Richo teaches us that those who complain don't want anything to change. They want to complain.
Exposure to and practice applying new concepts can help build pathways that yield new, more desired experiences in life.
Resources on the Negative Brain Bias:
Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C., & Vohs, K., D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323-370.
Rozin, P., & Royzman, E. B. (2001). Negativity bias, negativity dominance, and contagion. Personality and Social Psychological Review, 5(4), 296-320.
Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence. New York: Random House.